Life is full of ups and downs. That applies to everyone including me. But.. i realized that mine is always at the bottom, maybe. I was just wondering because i don't seem to see any happiness unless i meet my friends and thats temporary. because after i leave them, it's over. Yea. Just like that. Mom always says i make my friends as my first priority. I mean how can i not to? She expects me to make her my first priority when at the same time she treats me like an enemy. What can i do to make things better? Both have to play it's own role isn't it?

I can't do my thing by myself, with no support/encouragement. I need my Mom back, my family back. I can't stand living my life like this any longer. Not to mention my dad, i don't talk to him. He does his own things while i do mine. It's like that everyday. He will only call my name when he needs me, or to vent out his anger bla bla bla. Normal for me. So let's not talk about him.

lastly, i think i need a boyfriend as only he can make me feel better? i guess. HAHA.

i didn't go out today. Had the hell of migraines the whole day. No one knew about it. I mean what is there to tell to ma family? like they would do something. i doubt so. okay. arguments arguments arguments.. Never ending ones. It adds to my migraines. How would i avoid all these? Having a family is like Not having a family. I guess i can only rely on my friends. Who else? I do not have a boyfriend nor a scandal to cry on. Even ma friends have their own problems to face/solve. I cannot be egoist right? And i just realized my major problem to face it's about Family issues and nothing else.

I've got a job but i'm nervous when i'm alone. New friends etc...



Lastly i shall announce that i have already forgotten about the past. So i'm not in love with anyone anymore.

Labels: bloody hell

I'm having this weird feeling for a long time after i know him. i realized it's something called love. I've been searching for one for a long time. How can i be stupid for not realizing that love has always been with me. How stupid. i can explain a thousand words to describe how much i love him now. and he's the only thing/person that i wanna be with now and forever.. if god permits, insyallah. And if he does, it'll be my pleasure to keep him safely. I cannot believe i actually cry for him, just to talk to him and that made me realized. All said.

May god permits..

Now for the parents part,
I hate my dad more right now. Why is he ruining my life? i don't know. Why can't he just bloody understand that i'm already 16 and wants to do alot more things in life! i'm already a bloody teenager god dammit! Can you just stop this moronic idiotic RULES for god's sake! i Can't take it any longer as i wanna move around and meet people and to find LOVE! Why can't you just bloody understand! Atleast pity my situation! BLOODY NIGGER JERK!

i'm feeling very too protected by my parents. i can't stand it. i can't stand how they treat me. They should know i'm 16 already and will soon turn into 17 in like 3 months? The thing here is I WANNA GO CHEERLEADING AND SKATING AND DANCING AND GRAFFITI AND MEETING MY BESTFRIENDS!! why can't they just understand a simple thing. look i know blogging isn't gonna help but what more can i do dammit?! i can't just scream them in the face, thats no me(even i have the intention to do it earlier) god! please send me an angel to help me! really. i hate this life of mine so much.

and something BAD happened last night which made me cry like hell. look, everyone knows i miss having fun. i don't know how to explain it but, my close friends should know. i went online just to wait for him to online and when he does, my dad screams to shut down! god! he purposely didn't study just to chat with me as he has exams! THERES TOO MANY RULES IN MY OWN HOUSE FOR ME TO HANDLE! AND I CAN'T HANDLE IT FOR GOD SAKE! i can't even talk to my bestfriends, my whoever lar. really. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!

Currently i'm writing a story called Promises. It's basically about a girl named Delta. i don't know if i should post it here cos it's not finished yet.

okay, life still sucks when i'm stuck at home. Was trying to persuade Mom for letting me attend cheerleading classes but still she doesn't allow it. Fuck. She's just twisting her words when i reminded her about what she said last time. " you can go after your N levels" wtf is she trying to proof dammit! gosh!

okay, i've been skating and rollerblading these days already. It feels good but the falling part isn't. My ass feels terrible, someone call the nurse please! I made lotsa new friends at the skate park. My skating skills improved! I shall skate more to loose weight as i'm lazy to jog already.

Now Family problems.
I can't communicate with my two parents at home. Infact with ma grandparents also. I don't know whats the problem with them or... With Me? Seriously, someone tell me. Mom, gosh! Is being VERY childish these days. I can't stand her. She simply doesn't apprieciate our hardwork we put in at home just to satisfy her. Really god! pity me please. i have no one to talk to.

okay i'm very tired right now but i'm happy. Had hell lot's of funn with Fit. Went orchard and then to somerset to watch skaters skate. It was fun, really. I feel like skating too. Well have to wait for 22 dec to get the money:) and i shall skate my whole life!

so here's a video of a flip up i took.